why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
Randomize
