There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
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