I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
Randomize
