I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
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