Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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