Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
mondays should just be called national damage control day
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
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