as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
