so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
Randomize
