I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
Randomize
