So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
Randomize
