jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
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