I can feel you judging me through the phone.
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
so much tequila, so little girl.
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
Randomize
