i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
Randomize
