By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
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