as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Randomize
