I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
Never underestimate the power of titties
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