This is not my ceiling
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
Randomize
