summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize