Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
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