This show inspires me to have sex in space
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
