I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
Randomize
