So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Randomize
