I never want to see another naked old woman again.
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
