Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
Randomize
