at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
Randomize
