Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
Randomize
