I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
