a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
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