Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
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