did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize
