if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Randomize
