Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
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