Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
We were destined to go to rehab together
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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