She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
Randomize