We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
