she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
