Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
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