Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
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