those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
Randomize
