So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Randomize
