On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
Randomize
