Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Randomize
