I am puke
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
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