I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
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