By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
Randomize
