you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
I have surprise drugs for everyone
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
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