DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
