Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
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