I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
