It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
Randomize
