Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize