I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
Randomize
