Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
Randomize
