I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
Randomize
