I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
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