Plan B is the new Plan A
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
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