He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
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