Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
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