can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
Randomize
