If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
