I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Randomize
