Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
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