Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
Randomize
