Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
I can feel your judgement through the phone
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
