shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
Randomize
