wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
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