i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
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