yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
Randomize
