ya dads aren't the best wingmen
plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
Randomize
