he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Randomize
