i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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