Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
Randomize
