is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
Randomize
