Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
Randomize
