I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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