Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
I checked into jail on foursquare
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
Randomize
