I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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