Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
Randomize
