i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
Those nachos came to me in a dream
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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