if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
It was a blind-side dick pic.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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