Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
