Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
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