We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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