yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
I think I have vodka in my lungs
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
Randomize
