I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
