im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize