so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
