i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
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