he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
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