Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
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