someone get that fucking seahorse.
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
Randomize
