i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
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