im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize