I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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