I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
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