she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
Randomize
