he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
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