can u get pink eye on your cock?
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
Randomize
