the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
Randomize
