I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
Send help, water and tortillas.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
