My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
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